I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize