addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
