So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
