her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I got chris browned last night
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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