so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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