i already hear my dad disowning me
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
