Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
