highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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