I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
barbara walters just said penis...
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
