Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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