Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize