I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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