we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i will never coherently bang her
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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