yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize