After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
