I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
