He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize