i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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