Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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