apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
