Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
