It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize