Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
