Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
