Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
