He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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