Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
