I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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