Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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