nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
