Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
