My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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