Whatcha textin bout Willis?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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