He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
