nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize