Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
