I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
