At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Text me some of your sweat
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
