Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
