i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
