There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
