woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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