You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
