it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
