This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
