...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
