his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
