2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
