kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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