You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
