just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
