its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
