I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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