I am puke
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
