I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
