ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize