i don't like sucking hair
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
