you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
