we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
