Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
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