I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
