nut hugger
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
