One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
