We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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