the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
My pussy is not your playground.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
