The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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