1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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