He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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