He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
