he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize