Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I think a kid would responsible me up
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
