i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
