marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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