please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
