I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
