I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
